a little east of reality

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

another humdinger from 8 out of 10 cats

After a story about how George W Bush's watch had been stolen while he was visiting Albania:
George Bush has stolen an election, invaded a country on false pretences, tortured, lied and not signed the Kyoto Agreement, but now...his watch has been stolen.

If you're watching, Karma...make an effort!
Oh and here's the video (thank you, Youtube!) of the my favourite insult post a bit back. I've watched all six seasons now (six episodes of about twenty minutes ~ it's not enough) so I'll stop babbling about 8 out of 10 cats until next year.

Another interesting conversation (transposed by me into direct speech) from Neil Gaiman's blog:

Neil: Hi, this is Neil Gaiman, I need to fix something on my account.
Visa Card Customer Service Rep: Hang on, are you the Neil Gaiman?
Neil: Yes, I am.
VCCSR: So...are you going to be writing an episode of Dr Who?
Neil: ... o_O?

I do wonder at what point this sort of stuff moves to the need for super-secret dealings. I know that authors don't pull the same kind of scrutiny that A-list actors do, though the man has quite the cult following, but when will he be so famous that he needs to ensure that the customer service reps he deals with have some kind of clearance? Does that come guaranteed with the Platinum card? I wonder...

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Monday, July 28, 2008

stuff white people like

Finally, the mystery is solved. The author of Stuff White People Like is in fact...white. It's been a topic of hot debate in the comments on the site. It was my first guess, though he writes like an (amused) observer. But I knew for sure he was white when I heard he got a book deal. 'Cause it's not racist if one of your own is mocking you, right?
Well, racist stereotype or not, it's bloody funny. ^_^

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Monday, July 21, 2008

a little east of sleepy

Getting in early on a Monday morning is like playing darts with a nerf ball.

There's no point.

Okay I have to go do some important grumbling now.

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Saturday, July 19, 2008

tips for jobseekers

From an episode of 8 out of 10 cats, in a round called 'And the winner is...?' where the contestants are given an opinion poll topic and have to guess what came in at the top of the results:
Poll: Worst place to cry?

Dave Spikey: Is it from your ears?
Sean Lock: I would've thought it'd be in a photo-me booth, getting your passport photos done. Even time you enter a country you'd have to go... [pretends to cry]
Justin Moorhouse: Job interview?
Jimmy Carr: Correct answer, Justin. Yeah the worst place to cry is at a job interview, but in my experience it is definitely during sex...especially if the sex is during a job interview.

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

you gotta fat ass?

Comedian Reginald D Hunter, on 8 out of 10 cats:
RDH: I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, all that crazy stuff. It bugs me. It's international test day for a woman get to test how much her man love her. [Not sure how this follows on, but anyway...] For instance, I can't tell my lady if she got a fat ass. 'Cause you ain't supposed to tell a lady she got a fat ass, even if she ask you she gotta fat ass, you can't say she got a fat ass, even though she suspect she gotta fat ass. But I gotta lie, and subvert reality and pretend that she don't have a fat ass, when the reality, the reason I'm wid her, is because she got a fat ass.

Sean Lock: [points out the camera and says in his very British accent] You have just told her that she has a fat ass.

RDH: [waves] Hi baby! Happy Valentine's Day.

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Monday, July 14, 2008

and i quote

Sleepless has the best quotes on her blog. Here's a fuller version of one from Paul Denton in The Rules of Attraction:
I watched him with growing intensity as he refilled the pipe in the dark and smoky din of the room. He delicately fingered what looked like dried moss to me, and it struck me then that I liked Sean because he looked, well, slutty. A boy who’d been around. A boy who couldn’t remember if he was Catholic or not.
"A boy who couldn’t remember if he was Catholic or not." Some good writing is so deceptively simple.

I'd post the other two quotes that are living on her sidebar right now, but maybe you should go check them out for yourself.

I'm enjoying that she's in London right now as for some reason that means more posts in English. I'm zero fluent in Swedish.

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Sunday, July 13, 2008

alex zane

This is Alex Zane. He's on British TV. Apart from that I have no idea what he does really. I just think he's pretty.

In fact, it looks like someone mixed...

Neil Gaiman, my favourite storyteller,

with Daniel Johns, the most attractive man in the world, in the right light (I think he's the most beautiful man in the world, and I've seen him in person, but I have also seen some really crap photos of him).

If that were actually possible, he might be my perfect man, especially if Neil's worldview and lovely sense of parenting came with him. Daniel's probably nice, too, but I've only seen him on stage, whereas I've actually seen Neil make pleasant conversation with the 500th person asking him to sign a book, which seems a bit more revealing.

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Saturday, July 12, 2008

all my friends in los angeles should expect an email

From Neil Gaiman's blog comes the news that the illustrator I find most intriguing in the world, Dave McKean, is not only having an exhibition at the The Merry Karnowsky Gallery (July 19 - August 16), but also will be at the opening on the 19th of July. Which is open to the public. Of which I am a member. Except that I live 12,325 km (7658 miles) away.


If I was rich I'd be on a plane next week to LA. (Though in fairness if I was rich I would have been visiting jojo, Tetchan and Ai in LA every six months for the last five years. And a bunch of other people in a bunch of other places.) But anyway...if anyone in or near LA happens to read this, do try and get along to this thing.

Dave McKean is not like any artist you've ever seen before.

One of my (previously) secret goals in life is to write a book for which Dave McKean would want to do the cover. Actually I'm writing the book now. Getting Dave to read it might be more difficult. Perhaps after it wins a Hugo. (Hey what's the point of having goals if they aren't lofty?)

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Friday, July 11, 2008

big brother delivers a bombshell

Big Brother is on again in Australia and though I do not watch the show (I didn't know boring things could in addition be so irritating until BB arrived) I was amused to read the account of Pamela Anderson's arrival for her 3-day stay in the house.

Apparently the housemates first thought that it must be one of those celebrity look-a-likes sent in to fool them, because they just couldn't believe it was really her. Pammy won't reveal how much she was paid for this gig, except to say that it was 'a lot' and 'much more than I'm worth'. I'm guessing the guys in particular would disagree with that ~ they'll have bragging rights at the pub forever after three whole days and nights with the babiest of all Baywatch babes.

BB host Kyle Sandilands made a bit of a dick of himself (wasn't the first time, won't be the last) by asking her what part of the US she grew up in...she's Canadian. :)

I'm _almost_ tempted to tune in to see what happens. Almost.

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

money money money

It's the first pay after the start of the new financial year and there are about 40 extra dollars in my pay...yah! Next fortnight we get the back pay from our pay rise that is being retrospectively paid from January (it took that long to finalise the certified agreement)...double yah! And in August when I go up one pay increment, triple yah it will be!

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sign that winter is finally arriving

I just left my non-chilly room to get a drink and the carpet felt too cold...through my socks!
We're having the mildest winter in 17 years, but I think that pesky ice is going to be on the windscreen of my car any morning now.


Wednesday, July 09, 2008

top shops

Smitten Kitten

Isn't that a great name for a lingerie shop? I walked past it yesterday in Melbourne. The area around Melbourne Central has the cutest little alleys.

I also saw a funky boutique called Kinki Gerlinki. Their stock comes from all over Asia: Korea, Japan, Hong Kong, Thailand and China. It's always fun shopping when shoes have studded green jelly soles. And personally I can never get enough raspberry-coloured polka dots.

So, if you were opening a shop with a rhyming name, what would it be? I rather fancy a lolly shop called 'Dandy Candy.'

On a non-rhyming note, don't you think an excellent name for a Sci-Fi/Fantasy bookshop would be 'Asimov Cocktail'? Maybe a Sci-Fi/Fantasy-themed bar would be better. :)

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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

my fair lady remake

Nothing like taking on the impossible...

Keira Knightley and Daniel Day-Lewis, two of the biggest names in British cinema, are being lined up to star in a film remake of the musical My Fair Lady. The two stars are set to take on the roles of Eliza Doolittle and Henry Higgins, which were given notable treatments by Rex Harrison and Audrey Hepburn in the 1964 Oscar-winning classic.
Knightley, the star of Atonement, Pride and Prejudice and the Pirates of the Caribbean films, has already signed up to the project and has begun singing lessons.
The producers of the film have put Day-Lewis, the double Oscar-winning star of There Will Be Blood and My Left Foot, at the top of their wish list of actors to play opposite her. They are convinced that the star would be perfect as the pig-headed chauvinist who falls for the flower seller he plucks from the gutter.
The film is being produced by Sir Cameron Mackintosh and Duncan Kenworthy, the producer of British blockbusters such as Notting Hill, Love Actually and Four Weddings and a Funeral. Sources close to the project say Kenworthy is keen to get Steven Spielberg, Martin Scorsese or Roger Michell, the director of Notting Hill and
Venus, to direct the film.
One source said: “Keira is already onboard and everyone is convinced that Day-Lewis would be perfect as Higgins.” Until recently, the idea of Day-Lewis in a musical would have been unthinkable. But the actor is also in talks to star alongside Nicole Kidman in a film version of the musical Nine.
Any My Fair Lady remake is likely to be controversial. The original, directed by George Cukor, won eight Oscars and in 2006 it was ranked the sixth-best movie musical ever.
I would like to see them do with this what Baz Luhrman did with Romeo & Juliet. He took what was crucial to the story (the intensity of their love and passion) and he made the film ooze with it. I don't want to see a remake that is trying to be the original. What's the point? But if they set it in the current time and made the tunes really cutting edge, that might be interesting.

It doesn't have to be that, but some significant change that explores another view of it. The original movie, for example, looks like someone filmed a stage performance - it kept that stage feel perfectly. Now I like that about it, but it's definitely something that could be radically changed in a remake and end up making the whole thing feel more immediate and alive.

I refuse to assume it will suck, but my hope is pretty tenuous.


Monday, July 07, 2008

the most pointless man alive

After all the hoohaa about Miley Cyrus' Vanity Fair photos (bit risque for her young years), Hugh Heffner has generously piped up to let Miley know that as soon as she's old enough, he'd love to see her naked body gracing the pages of his magazine.

Seriously, when is that man just going to die?


Sunday, July 06, 2008

roll on april 1st, 2009!

Thanks to Lifehacker, next April Fools' Day at the office is going to be sweet, sweet, sweet. Some of you may already have seen their post on Top 10 Harmless Geek Pranks, but it was just featured in a 'most popular posts' list and this was the first time I'd seen it.

There are several I won't be able to do because I can't install anything on someone else's computer at work, but I'm going to investigate no.2 (the printer one) and go into cahoots with one of the IT guys if necessary to make it happen.

These pix was posted by someone at the end of the comments. Too funny!

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Saturday, July 05, 2008

most fervently

Found this via &duck. Make sure to read the comment under the photo. <--- (Not mine, the one on the linked page.)

I'd be smiling, too, if I was Mrs Darcy.

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Friday, July 04, 2008

tag I'm it! 20+ years of chosha

I secretly love getting tagged, perhaps because it hardly ever happens.

Sean's version is here.

20 years ago I:

  1. Did accounts and reception for a small paint brush manufacturer.
  2. Drove a '79 Toyota Corona (mustard).
  3. Kept half my belongings in my car because I was never home.
  4. Loved house music.
  5. Had more guyfriends than girlfriends (before they all got married and weren't allowed to be friends with single women any more). Hey I'm not bitter. Much.

10 years ago I:

  1. Was in the third year of my undergraduate degree (International Studies).
  2. Worked as a research assistant to my favourite lecturer.
  3. Drove a different '79 Toyota Corona (red).
  4. Taught early morning seminary to 20 teenagers.
  5. Was livid that the Howard coalition government had been re-elected.

5 years ago I:

  1. Saw a LOT of live indies rock.
  2. Found out that I had to leave Japan because the job I'd set up fell through. :(
  3. Came to work in Canberra after getting a job here.
  4. Spent heaps of money calling Tetchan in Seattle (the next year I discovered calling cards!)
  5. Was disturbed by the start of the Iraq war, which I felt was unjust.

3 years ago I:

  1. Started this blog!!
  2. Finally started to make more friends in Canberra and settle in.
  3. Often felt like I was living in some kind of limbo state.
  4. Saw my brother. I mention that because I haven't seen him since.
  5. Started making more time to be creative.

So far this year I:

  1. Completed one semester of my Grad Dip in Professional Writing.
  2. Formed a writers group with some friends from the course.
  3. Endured and then evicted a terrible boarder who still owes me 100s of dollars.
  4. Got to work on new projects that are much more chewy and interesting.
  5. Am still driving the '84 Toyota Corona (sky blue) I bought in 2004 and likely to be until the wheels fall off.

Yesterday I:

  1. Found out that UnpaidMermaid will be in Australia up to eight more weeks and really had a difficult time feeling sad about that, even though it's a hassle for her.
  2. Missed another deadline for a poetry competition. Dammit.
  3. Had a yummy fruit salad for lunch courtesy of the leftovers from the morning tea the social club held two hours before.
  4. Saw six emerging comedians compete at the Irish Club. Three of them were funny. The others were (in order) lewd, angry and spent way too much time pausing to allow for audience laughter. Still, there were a lot of laughs to be had. Colin Lane hosted the night and he was great, if a little goofy. Next week's heat will be hosted by Corrine Grant and I'd love to see her, but that's the night I'm going to see the So You Think You Can Dance? Top Ten Tour. I'll probably see some of the weeks after that.
  5. Got to sleep way too late.

Today I:

  1. Spent some time with a friend whose father died later in the day. Sad.
  2. Realised that I am totally not going to complete the draft of the paper I'm supposed to take to Melbourne on Monday. Hello weekend visit to the office.
  3. Was a little comforted that my boss is in exactly the same predicament (so many other things need doing all at the same time we're both flat out like a lizard drinking this week).
  4. Saw Get Smart with my friend Starman. As long as you're not expecting it to be like the original TV series, it's funny and sweet and there's even a little cool fighting. Anne Hathaway surprised me with some very slick moves. The Rock and Steve Carrell were both good, too.
  5. Tried a tangelo for the first time. It was pretty much an orange.

Tomorrow I will:

  1. Sleep in.
  2. Work on a new design for my cafepress shop.
  3. Go to work for a few hours.
  4. Have dinner out to farewell one of my boarders. He is returning home to China.
  5. Fit laundry and housework in around items 1-4.

In the next year I will:

  1. Finish more of my grad dip.
  2. Visit the US.
  3. Finish a first draft of the novel that has been kicking around in my head and for which a brilliant ending suddenly came to me today. Now I just have to write the beginning and the middle. :)
  4. Go home for Christmas.
  5. Get promoted.

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