a little east of reality

Saturday, July 30, 2005

excitement and emptiness

"You know how I said I'd been wanting to go to Sydney to meet someone?"


"Well she's free this weekend, and she's coming here...now."

"Now? When will she get here?"

"In about three hours." He moves restlessly, looking into the distance like thoughts are rushing through his mind. "Suddenly I'm nervous."

"Is this the first time you've met her."

"Yeah, but I've been chatting to her a long time. We've made plans to meet but it's never panned out." He starts thinking too much, as you do in these situations. "Is this shirt okay, do you think?...I wish I'd gotten my hair cut."

Two hours of incessant nervous chatter later:

"I'm sorry, I know I'm keeping you from your movie."

"It's okay. I have no romance of my own, you see."

(laughs) "So you're going to live vicariously through mine?"

(also laughing) "Yeah I guess so."

No, actually what I'm going to do is exit to the kitchen just as she knocks on the front door, to give you guys some space, make myself a hot chocolate, and escape to my room to the internet to chat with Roofshadow about how over-rated reality feels when someone is living your fantasy life down the hall. Or even when they aren't.

That sounds a little bitter, doesn't it? Truth is that the last two hours have been incredibly cute. I haven't seen the boy all jittery before and it was endearing. But now that I'm here in my own room...alone...I'm letting myself acknowledge that sometimes other people's happiness, even if you would never take it from them, still serves to bring your own loneliness into sharp relief. I promise I'll be all cheerful again by the time I meet the girl tomorrow over lunch. Until told different I'm assuming they'll be sleeping late. ^_^