my new boyfriend...NOT!

Tonight I received this enormous bear. He's beautiful, and his 'fur' is soft and woolly to the touch. As bears go he's quite lovely.

However...

I received it, not because I like stuffed animals particularly (which I don't) but because it 'will give me something to cuddle at night' (My friend actually told me this in front of the whole birthday gathering in a tone that clearly said, 'isn't that a fabulous idea?'). Poor me...all alone and no-one to hold. Obviously what I need is an enormous stuffed animal to fill the enormous space on the other side of my enormous bed.

I think I'll just kill myself right now.

Although I'd bet a million dollars that my friend had no intention of embarrassing me, I felt just like Bridget Jones at that dinner party full of 'smug marrieds':

"Yes, Bridge, why is it that there are so many unmarried women in their thirties?"
"Well, it might have something to do with the fact that underneath our clothes our bodies are covered in scales."

I suppose it could have been worse. They could have bought me one of these. Or had 'loser' tatooed on my forehead while I was sleeping.