thoughts on relationships

Just been watching this week's Trannystar Galactica episode from Diana. Such a sweet person. (In case you're not familiar with TG and are confused, she presents male for work and on that vlog, but the name indicates to me I should use female pronouns, so that's how I'm rolling with it.)

The topic was Valentine's Day and relationships in general. She brought up her (previous) three rules for a relationship: no lies, no violence, no disrespect. At some point that seemed too negative, so she changed it to love, honesty, respect. It seemed like an interesting question to raise.

If you had to sum up your philosophy on relationships in three pithy dot points, what would they be?

For me (and I'm writing this on the fly, so it might not be definitive):

~ no mind games (emotional manipulation = dealbreaker)

~ friends as well as lovers (friends are more accepting and in the end it's a stronger bond. Love based on friendship can weather much bigger storms and makes the smooth sailing more beautiful)

~ don't fear baggage, but don't be owned by it either (we all have it; it makes us real people. Just remember we retain the ability to choose, no matter what)

Adding explanation made those a bit less pithy, but at least you know what I mean now.

I've been reasonably lucky in my life with relationships. For the most part they've been good and ended amicably. It's been a long time since I was in love, but I choose to be hopeful about that. Most days. :)

By the way, in case you watch Diana's video, this is the Indigo Girls song she mentions. It's great.

what women want

As mentioned a few posts back, I saw Chris Rock live in Sydney last weekend. I also met up with my old housemate, Phi, and slept at his place before driving back early Sunday morning.

An idea Chris pitched in his show was that it's more important for a guy to keep his job than for a woman to keep hers, because a guy won't dump a girl for being unemployed, but a woman will only be patient for so long with an unemployed guy. The material was funny as far as it went, but I did think the idea really was a bit of a crock. At least in my world. I would dump a guy who didn't want to work and was happy to dole-bludge, but I'd never break up with a guy because he lost his job. That's just stupid.

I thought about this again later when I drove back to Phi's. He had parked his car in an off-street park to save it for me (safer than parking on the street). When I got there he put his car in his regular spot under the apartment building and I took the park. He'd also moved the mattress from the room where I was sleeping (which was apparently really messy) and made up a bed in the lounge room. The sheets smelled so fresh and clean. As I was going to sleep I thought, 'I don't need a guy who has money or some great job. A guy being thoughtful is worth so much more than that.' Not that I want Phi. We're friends and ever will be. But his simple thoughtfulness made me feel welcomed, cared for, and that was nice.

I think Chris Rock needs to either update his views on women, or hang out with some that aren't quite so committed to the idea that a boyfriend needs to live up to the lifestyle to which she would like to become accustomed.