tired all the way inside

From an email I wrote to a friend today:

I think I'm feeling extra like I want your guy to turn out to be worth your patience, because the guy I like isn't at all interested in me. Or at least if he is interested, asking for someone else's phone number when I was walking by probably wasn't the cleverest way to say so. Yeah I'm thinking the former is more likely.

Oh well, maybe we'll end up being friends... *she said wearily*

Maybe one day I'll even be cool with that.

I don't know why I care so much. Actually that's not quite accurate. I know why I feel hurt by it ~ because I rarely open myself to the idea of romance (and this would be why). I just don't know why I felt such a strong connection to him in particular. For some reason this really mattered.

Anyway, I'm going to go be a writer now and create some apt metaphor for this very stupid feeling. Does that qualify as a silver lining?