how to become comatose in one easy lesson

Most people dread speaking in church. We don't do it very often. It's a bit nerve-wracking. If we're assigned ten minutes to speak we prepare a ten minute talk and then speak so fast for nerves sake that it becomes seven-and-a-half. We worry that whatever we've written will send people to sleep and then comfort ourselves with the thought that at least if that happens fewer people will be staring at us.

The first speaker today apparently decided that sending us to sleep was her preferred option. Sadly this did not produce a rapidly delivered seven-and-a-half minute talk. Instead, forty. Yes. FORTY MINUTES! F.O.R.T.Y..M.I.N.U.T.E.S. And not forty interesting minutes. Forty minutes of bonefide mind-numbing drivel. Forty days and forty nights in the desert could not have felt longer.